Jonathan Crocker

Editorial Director | Journalist

Archive for the ‘Film Reviews’ Category

Film review: Star Wars

Posted by Jonathan On April - 14 - 2009

starwars“I’ve made a Walt Disney movie. A cross between Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory and The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes. It’s gonna do eight, maybe 10 million.” George Lucas was wrong about a lot things. That Star Wars might work if Luke Skywalker and his aunt and uncle were dwarves. Or that the entire cast should be oriental. Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: Encounters At The End Of The World

Posted by Jonathan On March - 30 - 2009

encountersWerner Herzog doesn’t like March of the Penguins. Cinema’s metaphysical Tarzan, as critic Pauline Kael dubbed him, has more pressing questions. Like, are penguins gay? Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: Tyson

Posted by Jonathan On March - 15 - 2009

tyson“My whole life has been a waste. I just want to escape. I’m really embarrassed with myself and my life.” With those words, the phenomenon who remains the youngest ever heavyweight champion of the world retired from boxing in 2005. Overweight. Bankrupt. Beaten. Lost. Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: Surveillance

Posted by Jonathan On March - 2 - 2009

surveillance11The middle of the night, a couple waking in their bed to find masked intruders watching them, the man brutally beaten to death, the bloodied woman chased screaming down the road outside… Lensed like a nightmare with grainy slo-mo, warped sonics and frightening gloom, that terrifying opening looks like it could have been plucked from the cutting-room floor of her father’s Lost Highway. Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: Watchmen

Posted by Jonathan On March - 1 - 2009

watchmen2Would it ever arrive? Or miss us completely? Travelling towards us with the agonising speed of a incoming meteor we’ve stared at for fully 23 years, Watchmen finally hits the screen as something fanboys could only have dreamed of: a labour-of-love epic, stylish, adult and very, very faithful. Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: Anvil!

Posted by Jonathan On February - 18 - 2009

anvil2Dressed in S&M gear, playing a guitar with a sex-toy and driving a huge festival crowd wild with pure metal-rock. That was Anvil and frontman Steve ‘Lips’ Kudlow in the early ’80s, practically inventing the metal scene that would take the decade by storm.

And then? Nothing…  As Metallica’s Lars Ulrich and Guns N’ Roses’ Slash explain on longtime fan Sasha Gervasi’s documentary, Anvil! The Story of Anvil, the band’s first album Metal On Metal was ripped off by everyone on the scene. “You’ve gotta be at the right place at the right time,” growls Motorhead’s Lemmy. Anvil weren’t. Somehow, fame and fortune just never happened.

Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: Che Part Two

Posted by Jonathan On February - 14 - 2009

chepart2Doomy mirror-image to the triumphant first two hours of Steven Soderbergh‘s epic anti-biopic, Che: Part Two – Guerilla leaps forward 10 years – and, controversially, past Che’s brutal role in hundreds of executions – to find the doctor-turned-icon attempting a another revolutionary smash-and-grab. Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: Gran Torino

Posted by Jonathan On February - 14 - 2009

grantorino “Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while that you shouldn’t have messed with? That’s me.” That’s scowling, growling Walt Kowalski. He’s a retired Detroit autoworker. He’s a Korean war veteran. And he’s Clint Eastwood’s first big-screen role since Million Dollar Baby. But really? He’s The Man With No Name. He’s Dirty Harry. He’s William Munny. He is Clint Eastwood. Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: The Secret Of Moonacre

Posted by Jonathan On February - 9 - 2009

moonacreMagic pearls, a black lion, unicorns, bandits, an ancient curse… Easy to see how fantasy novel The Little White Horse inspired JK Rowling. Harder to figure out why this big-screen adaptation can’t conjure any sense of magic. Read the rest of this entry »

Film review: He’s Just Not That Into You

Posted by Jonathan On February - 1 - 2009

hesjustnotDid he like me? What do you think? Should I call him? Or wait for him to call me? Etc…

He’s Just Not That Into You is not a film. It’s a very, very long episode of Sex And The City. But already, we’re giving it too much credit. Based on an almost-certainly awful ‘self-help’ bestseller, this rom-com sprang from a line of dialogue in an episode of Sex And The City. That right. Not even an episode. Just a line. Talk about making a little go a long way. Read the rest of this entry »

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About Me

Jonathan is a London-based journalist, critic and editor. He currently works for data visualisation agency Beyond Words.

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