It was like capturing a picture of the Yeti or the end of a rainbow. But in the middle of a lecture at Columbia university in March 2009, one student with a camera-phone finally snapped it: James Franco asleep. Head hung back on his shoulders. Jaw gently unlatched. Hands folded over his notebook.

So this dynamo actor/student/artist/writer/model/ joker was human, after all. But Franco wasn’t sleeping. He was busy. Busy answering the question, the same question he would keep asking Danny Boyle. Trapped down a hole, unable to move, 12 hours a day, six days a week, for five weeks, James Franco would often turn to his director and declare: “What do you want from Franco?” That was the question.

Oscar-tilting survival drama 127 Hours might have been the story of climber Aaron Ralston, but it was also Franco’s story. You could tell he loved the metaphorical kick – he’d been here before. Wedged, frustrated and stuck with the only question that mattered. What did they want from Franco? No, what did he want from Franco?

And which Franco? Blockbuster Star Franco, jetting around on a hoverboard dressed as a goblin in the box-office-smashing Spider-Man trilogy. Student Franco, taking planes from movie sets to study (and snooze) through postgrad university seminars and poetry classes. Experimental Franco, guest-starring in TV series General Hospital as a performance artist named Franco. Performance Artist Franco, creating poetry, paintings and video installations in which he wanders around Paris with a prosthetic penis on his nose. Viral Comedian Franco, recording self-mocking acting-lessons with his kid brother for Judd Apatow’s FunnyOrDie.com.

“Sorry, I’m just going to relax a little bit,” he says, with a chuckle. “I’m just a little tired. I just flew in this morning. Anyway…” Reclining back on a sofa in a baggy knit, check shirt, jeans and beaten-up trainers, James Franco is thinking about it. We’re in a room in London’s Soho hotel, it’s lunch time, but Franco’s just sipping from a glass of coke. For a man with a hyperbolic life-pace, Franco really likes pauses. For a second, you wonder if he’s learned to sleep with his eyes open. Then he grins. It’s a big grin. Big, lopsided, squinty and irresistibly knowing. It won Franco “Student with the best smile” back at high school and at 32 years old, crinkling his handsome face gently at the edges, it’s like an invitation and a dare.

If the pauses hold you off, the grin pulls you in. Like all real movie stars, Franco can keep you simultaneously close and at a distance. There’s a lot going on. He rubs chin. He pauses. He sighs. He says, “Hmmmm.” He laughs, often to himself. But if you feel it’s a private joke, Franco wants you to be in on it. “So I realised…” he begins, finally sitting up. “My role as an actor is frankly limited. I’m one piece in a larger puzzle.”

And to think, right at the start, it all looked so simple. Ditching school to start acting lessons, Franco won a breakout role in Judd Apatow’s cult TV series Freaks And Geeks alongside future star Seth Rogen. One year later, he won a Golden Globe for a remarkable impersonation of James Dean in a made-for-TV-biopic, taking up smoking and shutting himself off (“I got it into my head that I needed to be isolated and so told my girlfriend at the time that I wouldn’t be talking to her for four months,” he recalled. “It did not go down well.”). Next year, Hollywood came calling. After losing the lead to Tobey Maguire, Franco signed on as Spider-Man’s rival Harry Osborne in the Spider-Man blockbuster trilogy. When Robert De Niro cast him as his on-screen son in City By The Sea, Franco was being touted as the intense young heir to the Method master’s throne. And sure, he bought it. “I try and emulate that,” he said earnestly at the time. “I will try to bring as much of myself into these roles because I think it gives it a more genuine feel, that’s what people are into.”

The problem was, they weren’t. In the rear-view mirror, Franco’s career arc shares a fascinating symmetry with that of Hollywood’s other handsome boy-king brooder Heath Ledger. Both played teen idols, knights in armour, junkies, supervillains. But where the doomed Australian was going stratospheric, Franco seemed to be disappearing into the void. While Ledger was winning an Oscar nomination for Brokeback Mountain, Franco was killing himself for films that nobody liked.

He earned a pilot’s license for his role in feeble WWII drama Flyboys (he didn’t get to fly in the film) and spent eight months learning dangerous horse-riding stunts for medieval flop Tristan & Isolde (his big battle scene was cut). When De Niro cast him as a drug-addict, he hung out with users and sleeping rough (“I gave myself no money, so I had to beg,” he told one interviewer. “I made signs on the freeway , I met up with some people who showed me how to sleep with cardboard boxes.”).

There was, of course, a problem: Franco Worse of all, he didn’t like them. But he took them seriously. Very seriously. Too seriously. “Oh, I did…” he says, raising his eyebrows dramatically. “I did take myself too seriously before. And I shouldn’t have.” He smiles, squinting sideways. “I hadn’t done anything that merited that seriousness! You could look at it from the outside and say, ‘Well, comparatively everything is going great,’” says Franco. “But I couldn’t deny that I was just really unhappy.” He sighs. “It was a lot of things. I was making films that I worked hard at but I didn’t believe in. And I had other interests that I wasn’t giving time to. I was driving myself crazy.”

Intentions, intention, in tension. Franco was spinning his wheels in the mud and, to his credit, he knew it. So to the bafflement of everyone in Hollywood, he took a pause, one of those long ones, and then made some changes. “I realised, I had to kinda let go…”

Re-enrolling at UCLA almost a decade after he’d dropped out to become an actor aged 19, Franco studied literature and creative writing. He completed the three-year course in two years. “I was almost 10 years older than the other students,” he says. “And I knew that it gonna be a little weird, but I just bit the bullet. In turns out it wasn’t too late. Actually, it was the perfect time.” From there, the “projects” never stopped. Moving to New York to simultaneously take more post-graduate courses (writing, filmmaking, fiction writing), the Gucci campaigns, the art installations. the painting, the poetry. “But I always had these interests,” explains Franco, cracking out the grin. “I had just always done them on my own. I wanted to go to art school and my parents wouldn’t let me apply. By doing what seems to be expanding my interests, it’s really just taking my interests that I’ve had all along more seriously. In my life, I do a lot because I have a lot that I’m interested in.” Until that photo at Columbia went viral, rumours began churning that Franco never slept.

In reality, he’d just woken up. The energy that he’d poured into pointless films, Franco now poured into things he cared about. And with gratifying irony, the moment he stopped trying to create a great acting career, Franco got one. Seemingly cruising as a dreamy pot-smoker, he effortlessly stole stoner-bromance Pineapple Express from co-star Seth Rogen. Then he beautifully underplayed a touching mini-role as a soldier in Paul Haggis’ bracing Iraq war drama In The Valley Of Elah before casually pulling a revelatory performance in Gus Van Sant’s biopic Milk, going lip-to-lip with Sean Penn and reminding everyone something they’d long forgotten. This boy could really act. But the bemusement of his co-stars, he never stopped studying: Shakespeare, Milton and Chaucer on the set of Spider-Man 3, 16th-century Jacobean drama during Pineapple Express and Thomas Pynchon on the set of Milk. “We used to laugh because in between takes he’d be reading The Iliad on set,” joked Pinepple Express producer Judd Apatow. “We still haven’t read The Iliad. It was a very difficult book…”

“When I first went back to university, nobody understood,” says Franco, cranking his eyebrows again. “People would literally say, ‘Well, do you want to be a movie star or a student?’ But I suddenly started getting opportunities to work with my favourite directors. And it’s not coincidental, because I think a lot of that came out of core changes I made in my life.” There’s the grin again. He leans forward. “And actually, you know what? That’s a little advice that Barack Obama gave me.” True story? “True story. I asked him, ‘What do you do when you get all this criticism?’ And he said, ‘Humour. Basically, humour.’ And that’s how you get through these situations.”

Take Eat Pray Love, not Joyce or Dostoevsky but a travel-porn fantasy for middle-aged women in which Franco plays a dilettante actor. (You can imagine his delight). “You know, Eat Pray Love, not the story I’ve been dying to tell my whole life,” he grins, leaning forward conspiratorially. “But it was only a week out of my life. I’m not gonna say, ‘Well, Eat Pray Love is silly, I’m not gonna tell that story…’ I sign on and I get my experience with Julia Roberts.” Five years ago, Franco would have read Eat Pray Love, twice, then gone on a pilgrimage to Bali.

Take Franco’s role as the face of Gucci, He was immaculate and beautiful, throwing slo-mo noir glances in the ad campaign for Gucci’s first men’s fragrance Gucci by Gucci Pour Homme. Then, just in case anyone thought he was taking it seriously, he recorded a four-minute spoof-skit of his attempts to film voiceovers of the commercials. Possibly not exactly what Gucci’s creative director Frida Giannini meant when he talked about Franco’s “nonchalance” and “unforced appeal”.

But when Franco returned, muscular and wet-through in a black v-neck, for the brand’s Gucci Sport Pour Homme fragrance, his looks proved essentially too good to puncture with parody. Clean-cut, sporty, stubble-rugged. Franco just works. And three years ago, science proved it. A picture of the actor was fed into the “beautification engine” of a new computer program that used an algorithm to take one photo and digitally alter it into a more traditionally attractive face. The ‘before’ and ‘after’ shots of Franco were identical. Basically, he was born perfect.

The DNA of Franco’s beauty is a Portuguese-Swedish father (shipping-container company owner) who wanted his son to pursue mathematics and a Russian-Jewish mother (poet, author, editor) who fuelled his love of art. Neither of his parents, who met each other at Stanford University, wanted him to drop out of UCLA in his freshman year to pursue an acting career. Despite the Jimmy Dean looks, Franco will claim to being a shy teenager unable to notch up girlfriends (“Sure, girls told me I was cute or whatever, but I was so shy I could never really make anything happen or cash in”).

Not that you’ll ever hear him talk about his private life. After dating co-star Marla Sokoloff at the start of his career, he’s been in a oh-so-quiet relationship with actress Ahna O’Reilly since 2006. It infuriates the tabloid media, who’ve attempted to link him to everyone from Sienna Miller to Agyness Deyn. When they’re not trying to out him, that is. “There are lots of other reasons to be interested in gay characters than wanting myself to go out and have sex with guys,” said Franco during an interview with Entertainment Weekly. “Part of what I’m interested in is how these people who were living anti-normative lifestyles contended with opposition.” Franco, being Franco, couldn’t leave without a satirical kiss-off: “Or, you know what? Maybe I’m just gay.”

It was bromantic comedy Pineapple Express that led director Danny Boyle to cast Franco in 127 Hours, a one-man blockbuster stage play in the mountains. Now, suddenly, he’s is everywhere. He’s playing Allen Ginsberg in Beat biopic Howl, resparking his comedy cool in the Pineapple Express team’s medieval romp Your Highness, then heading back to Hollywood to star in the Planet Of The Apes prequel. After hosting the Oscars with Anne Hathaway – a night when nerves defeated him and he retreated behind his looks - he’s now working on not one directorial debut but three: adaps of William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying, Cormac McCarthy’s Blood Meridian and a biopic of serial-killer Richard Ramirez.

Franco is burning, awake and, best of all, free. He’s out of the hole and running. “I don’t necessarily need to the best, whatever that means,” he shrugs. “But I don’t want to just dabble. I want to engage. To me, that is inspiring. And I guess what I’m saying is: getting inspired is the best you can ask for and working hard. Those are the things you can control.”

In tension, intention, intentions. “I feel like… Um.” He sighs, surely more punctuation than fatigue. “It’s hard for me, and I think this is just part of my personality, it’s hard for me to have just ‘hobbies’.” He thinks again. Another… long… pause… “I’d say I have a couple of hobbies,” he offers. “You know, playing ping pong. When I play ping pong, I don’t have the need to go to the Olympics.” He says that now. Just don’t rule it out.

Publication: GQ Style

Which places on Earth would still love to visit?

There are few out there that I know I should see before I die. But let’s not talk about it, because otherwise I’ll find a horde of tourists there.

So where is your favourite place on Earth?

Of course I’m very fond of the jungle, of Amazonia, but as a landscape and for the people, I really like the arid north east of Brazil a lot.

You turned your documentary Little Dieter Needs To Fly into a feature film starring Christian Bale. Will you ever do the same for Grizzly Man?

No, it shouldn’t be made into a feature film. That’s an interesting case because one of the greatest Hollywood stars has acquired the rights to a feature film. It never materialised, because the moment they saw my film, they knew you cannot be nearly 10 percent as good as Timothy Treadwell. It is disaster for an actor to be compared to Treadwell.

Will you say who it was?

No. When you look at the three of four greatest stars, one of them.

What did you hear on the tape recording of Treadwell being eaten by the bear?

I can only say that apparently Treadwell’s girlfriend was very, very brave and attacked the bear with a frying pan. A frying pan was found next to the few remains of Treadwell. In the tape, you hear some banging noise, like metal, and apparently it’s the frying pan she’s used to hit the bear. She was eaten as well, of course.

Did you hear the recording of Christian Bale’s infamous outburst?

I have to say something. It is shame for the media. You will probably wipe it under the carpet, what I am saying, but it is the media who are vile and debased not Christian Bale. Yes, he had an outburst. But nobody in the media tells you that for three decades this man has been the most charming, diligent, noble of them all. But I know you will not mention it.

We will.

Okay. By the way, during Rescue Dawn, I had one moment where there was a misunderstanding and we yelled at each other. ‘Christian, are you crazy??’ He yelled back. It lasted 15 seconds. Then we decided we had to see each other face to face at arm’s length. In 10 seconds, the misunderstanding was gone and we hugged each other.

Can you name the film that made you fall in love with cinema?

This film doesn’t exist. The first time I saw films was when I was 11. Until I was 11, I did not even know that cinema existed. The films I saw which were brought by a travelling projectionist to the little school house in the mountains. They didn’t impress me at all. Later I saw Dr Fu Manchu and Zorro and Tarzan and things like that. They didn’t impress me very much. I always had the feeling I had to make better films than Dr Fu Manchu.

The men in your film always follow their dreams. Do you dream?

No, I do not dream at all. You see, there is this common agreement among the psychologists that every person dreams during the night time. And I am the living proof that there are some people out there who do not dream at all. I do not dream, no. It’s possibly because of the absence of dreams that I make movies. Well, it’s a feeble explanation, don’t take it that seriously.

Maybe you’ve just forgotten them when you wake up.

No. You can wake me up anytime in the night and there are no dreams.

What might you have been if not a filmmaker?

I don’t know… Maybe a musician. That’s something I missed unfortunately. I would give 10 years of my life if I could play the cello with same ease as I am breathing.

You think it’s too late?

If you really want to play it well, you have to start before you are six. Or mathematics. I would have loved to be into specific forms of mathematics. But I am aware that I am too old for that. Every single monumental breakthrough in mathematics was done by kids between 14 and 24.

What ambitions do you have left to fulfil?

I never had any ambitions. I only have a life. I do what I love to do.

What do you think of the digital age? Are you embracing it?

I was asked recently, ‘What is your social network?’ My social network is my table here, which holds six persons. My wife and me invite four guests maximum. We eat and feast and laugh and tell stories. And that’s my social network – my dinner table.

Do you watch many films these days? Do you ever watch YouTube?

No, I don’t. Two or three films are my average per year. But I do watch, for example, Premier League or Bundesliga. I want to see how Bayern Munich is doing. They are not really that good at the moment. They had the most abysmal start to the season. They really have to get their act together now.

Do you have personal heroes who have inspired you?

Yes, but they are all dead. Leonidas, the leader of the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae. Or the Pharaoh Akhenaten. Or a writer that you have never heard of, Philippe de Commines. They had a vision way, way, way beyond their time. Akhenaten was more than a 1,000 years ahead of his time.

When will we see you next?

I’ve seen my apotheosis now in American popular culture by being a guest actor on The Simpsons show. The title of the episode is A Scorpion’s Tale. I didn’t even know that The Simpsons were animated creatures. I had seen them only in print. I thought it was like Charlie Brown. They were completely baffled that I asked them to send me one or two samples on a DVD. They thought I was joking.

What character do you play?

I’m playing the part of a German pharmaceutical industrialist who creates some type of LSD-like pills to sedate and make happy unbearable old people like Grandpa. I enjoyed it.

Publication: i-D

There’s a story that Billy Wilder (legendary Oscar-winning filmmaker) once told Billy Bob Thornton (impoverished LA waiter) that he didn’t look pretty enough to make it as an actor. Thornton didn’t care. Firstly, he didn’t really want to be an actor anyway. Secondly, he looked interesting. And interesting beat pretty any day of the week. The first Billy would live just long enough to watch the second Billy (actor, writer, director) win an Oscar and marry the hottest woman on the planet.

“Mind if I sit by the window?” asks Thornton. He’s already got a cigarette in his hand. It’s lunch. He moves casually into his seat and takes a drag. Thornton does everything casually. With his shirt hanging open over a t-shirt, skin that’s lived a few lifetimes and a tuft of grey standing vertically on his head, you can see where Wilder was coming from. Thornton doesn’t exactly look the Hollywood superstar. But there’s something there. Thornton’s soft Southern drawl curls his words as gently as cigarette smoke, making him seem effortlessly comfortable in his own skin. He’s disarmingly open, warm, unassuming, don’t-give-a-damn funny. And very, very interesting.

At the beginning, though, Wilder was right. So after scraping roles in the estimable likes of Chopper Chicks In Zombietown, Thornton finally wrote himself a breakout role. His performance as a neurotic thief in B-movie thriller One False Move (co-written with his friend Tom Epperson) gave the Arkansas 30something some pay-the-bills bit-parts in blockbusters like Tombstone and Indecent Proposal. Truth be told, he was going nowhere. 

So Thornton did it again. Writing, starring and now directing the superb hick-drama Sling Blade, Thornton suddenly found himself at the Academy Awards, pushing Tom Cruise and Ralph Fiennes for Best Actor and beating Kenneth Branagh, Arthur Miller and Anthony Minghella to the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar. 

Thornton’s performance as Karl Childers – a mentally impaired hick who murdered his own mother – set the tone for a career playing odd, memorable characters in odd, memorable films. A sinister overweight mechanic in Oliver Stone’s U-Turn. A dangerous dim-wit in Sam Raimi’s A Simple Plan (hello Oscar nomination number three). A Zen-cool air-traffic controller in Mike Newell’s Pushing Tin. 

But by now, Thornton was less famous for his screen roles than for being Angelina Jolie’s rock-star husband. They were a tabloid dream: a pair of tattooed Hollywood misfit-lovers who apparently wore vials each other’s blood round their necks. She was a sex symbol hotter than the sun. He was hillbilly crazy-man with a phobia of antique furniture and silverware.

Ten years on from Angelina, Thornton’s sure that marriages (he’s had four of them) and Hollywood stardom aren’t for him. But while pouring his time into fatherhood (three children) and music (three albums and touring), he’s continued to work at an astonishing rate, appearing in at least two films a year for the last decade. His bizarre, sardonic, disdainful characters put the harm into charm – like him, they’re unique and impossible to ignore. Everything from flesh-slapping sex (Monster’s Ball) to noir hairdressing (The Man Who Wasn’t There). Everyone from the US president (Love, Actually) to Davey Crockett (The Alamo). Who else who could have turned a swearing, drunken, sex-addicted Santa into a loveable big-screen icon?

Now the 55-year-old is back in revenge thriller Faster. He plays a cop. A tattooed, chain-smoking, junkie cop. Obviously. Anything else just wouldn’t be interesting.

You’re a little different to most Hollywood stars. Do you feel like one?

No, I’m just this guy… I don’t know that I’m so much a star, but some characters that I’ve played are. Bad Santa and the Sling Blade character are probably the foremost. I was never much of a part of Hollywood. I mean, there was a time when I was more a part of it. I had a high-profile marriage, that was kind of in the papers a lot and I probably went more places then than I do now.

What made you want to be an actor in the first place?

I didn’t set out to be an actor. I was either gonna be a professional baseball player or a musician. That was it, since I was a little kid. I wasn’t like Martin Scorsese, who gets so excited about everything from Billy Wilder to Spencer Tracy. I was excited about The Allman Brothers and The Beatles and The Kinks. 

So you didn’t come to Los Angeles to make it in Hollywood?

Music, more. It was music. Yeah, I was in a band, we were doing okay, but we weren’t going to get signed to record contract out there. So I thought, I’ll come out here, maybe get in a band. 

You had no interest in acting?

I was always in the drama class in high school. But I was in there because there were chicks in there! You know what I mean? I didn’t care about acting. And also I thought, maybe if I’m in drama, maybe I’ll get a good grade in something. You know? Because I wasn’t good in school… I wasn’t the kind of guy who would be an actor. Because that was for, like, you know, fucking fruity guys, you know what I mean? 

So this has all been an accident?

I don’t know if I’ve even told anybody this in an interview, because I forget shit, you know? I’ll tell you exactly how I became a actor. So… I met this guy who said I should go to acting class. So I did. And the teacher says, ‘Next week come back and by prepared to do a monologue.’ I didn’t know what to do. 

This was before you’d started writing scripts?

I didn’t know how to write a script. My friend Tom Epperson and I came here with nothing. We had 500 dollars. Which lasts no time out here. Even then, in 1980.

Go on…

Tom had all these books on Shakespeare. So I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be funny if I took something from Shakespeare and I rewrote it to be a contemporary thing?’ Hamlet, shit, no, that’s too hard for me… How about Othello? Now there’s a cat… Man after my own heart. He bones the old guy’s daughter! You know what I mean? I’ll do that! So I read Othello in one night. 

But this is a monologue, right?

Right. But the way I’d designed it, I play all the characters. I’ll be Iago, who’s in this jail cell telling the story about what went down. I played him as a redneck from the South, Casio was like a full-on gay guy, Desdemona was this valley girl chick, Othello was this black guy like you’d see in the NFL. 

What did the class think?

The people were just sitting there stunned. It was about 40 minutes. After the class, the teacher pulls me aside and he says a couple of things. First of all, just so you know from now on, monologues are three to five minutes. I go, ‘Oh shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t know…’ Second of all, I’ve never had anyone in my classes who I thought were more than likely going to become hugely successful at this. He said, ‘You are going win an Academy Award for doing this stuff some day.’

What did you say?

I said, ‘Well, I’m broke. I sleep on my cousin’s pool table.’ He said, ‘Don’t worry about it.’ This guy let me go to this class for almost a year without paying. And that’s exactly how I became an actor.

It still took you a long time to break into acting. Do you think you were seen as a hillbilly?

They didn’t understand my background. I came from a very literate family in the midst of illiteracy. And we have ties to a very famous literary family that I never have talked about. But that was hard at the beginning because they would only wanted to cast me as a redneck.

So do you think you’ve been successful despite of or because of your image?

I think it’s both things. In spite of and because of. 

Why because of?

I was never called Billy Bob. That is my name. But back home, they just called me Billy. But this guy, Teddy Wilburn, a big country music star of the ‘50s and ‘60s, wrote me a letter in ‘79 saying I love your song writing. And he said, by the way, I think you should call yourself Billy Bob, because people won’t forget that. So after that, I could call any casting office and just say my first name – “It’s Billy Bob calling” – and they knew exactly who it was. I still have that letter framed.

Did you ever try to change yourself to fit into Hollywood?

No. Especially in the beginning , I didn’t. They’re pretty narrow-minded… So if they need that type, I can play like I’m that. The only time I tried to change myself purposely was once I became a movie star. Once I started playing leading roles then I thought I should look more like myself than the guy in Sling Blade. 

Do you approach extreme characters in extreme ways? There’s a story that you put glass in your shoes to play Karl Childers in Sling Blade. True?

No. There was a character in a movie who did that. Brad Dourif’s character in Wise Blood had glass in his shoes. I probably in some interview mentioned that and… You know how it is. One thing leads to the next.
 
There are some good stories about you. That you’re afraid of silver cutlery…

…And I’m afraid of antique furniture and I wear blood around my neck and all that horseshit. 

So what’s the truth about you and Angelina wearing vials of each other’s blood?

A clear locket you’d put your grandmother’s picture in. That’s what we had, Angelina and I. And it was her idea that we literally prick our fingers and rub the blood on the glass in the locket and wear it. 

Do you think the story got too blown up?

You know how it is. If it had been Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, it would have been the most romantic story: this amazing couple that loved each other so much that went they were apart they would have these lockets where they’d pricked their fingers, like blood brothers. Angie and I do it and we’re these vampire blood-sucking creatures who wear tanks of blood around our necks.

Now that’s in the past, do you still get bothered by the press?

The press doesn’t bother me so long as they don’t stick it up your ass. You know what I mean? [laughs] It happens. But usually, that’s not with the legitimate press. That’s usually, these days, the bloggers. Guys who live in the basement with their mom. 

Does it feel good to be out of the limelight more now?

Making the movies, that’s great. Talking to you, that’s fun. It’s all the dog-and-pony show you have to do, like go to the red carpet, go to premiere, that’s the shit I dread. I don’t dig that at all. Like, I gotta go to the premiere of this tomorrow night. And already I’m like itchy! I can’t stand it. 

You play a lot of sardonic, bizarre, troubled characters. Why do you keep seeking them out?

I don’t think I deliberately do… But no. I can’t say that. Because I’m more interested in those people, yes. Who wouldn’t want to play Bad Santa? For me, as an actor, you see that and you eat it alive. I want to play that. 

When you play dark characters, do you take these roles home with you? Is it hard to shake them off?

I think that’s one of the biggest secrets in Hollywood. This whole “Method” of acting. People want there to be a science to acting. And that science is interesting. And it makes so seem so… fucking… smart. And I believe that you’re either a good actor or you’re not.

What do you think made you a good actor?

Life experience. My life was very eclectic. It was very strange. I’ve been around a lot of characters. I’ve been a hobo. A street person. I’ve shovelled asphault. I’ve worked in saw mills. I’ve been in rock’n’roll bands. I’ve been a roadie. I’ve been poor. I’ve been rich. I’ve been moderate. I’ve been left. I’ve been right. And so, any time I play a character, I don’t go sit in closet for three fuckin’ weeks to become a dark guy. [laughs]

You don’t believe in Method acting?

No, but that’s what actors do. ‘I gained 65lbs, I didn’t shower for three weeks, I lived with the street people…’ I’m sorry. Unless you really did it, it doesn’t do shit for you.

So why did you put on 50lbs for U-Turn?

Because I read about those and thought, ‘Shit, oh, I’ll do that…!’ I was already heavier for a couple of things that I’d done. Simple because of the circumstances in my life at the time. Couple of health issues and things like that. I went through a bad period, so I just decided to enhance that a little bit, because I thought I needed to look like an extreme character. I’ll never do it again.

What do you think of actors like, say, Christian Bale, who stay in character even when the camera isn’t rolling?

[Flips the bird with one hand. Thumbs towards the door with the other. Mouths silently: “Fuck off. Get outta here...”] 

You’re not a fan of that…

Yeah. I’ve heard a couple of audio tapes of actors who went crazy on the set and threatened the directors and DPs and things like that. Not naming any names. Those guys don’t do that to certain directors. So when that punk does the shit like that to me on set and doesn’t come out of his trailer and tells me how to set my fucking shot up, he’ll be picking his teeth out of the grass. I’ll put it that way.

How surreal was it to be at the Oscars for Sling Blade?

Pretty crazy, yeah. I don’t remember much about that Oscar thing. I remember more about the second time, for A Simple Plan. That was the year Roberto Benigni ran over all the chairs to get to the chair. I know for a fact because he ran over my shoulder. I was one of the stepping stones. 

But you don’t remember the Sling Blade ceremony?

I’m pretty hazy, yeah… I don’t remember it very well. More so than that ceremony was the number of really famous iconic people who called me up. The first two people who called me when I was nominated for Sling Blade were Elizabeth Taylor and Gregory Peck. And it’s like, ‘How did Elizabeth Taylor get my phone number?’ Are you shitting me? Elizabeth Taylor can get whatever she wants. I was like, ‘Jesus Christ!’ And then Johnny Cash called me. And I became friends with them.

Which actors do you hang out with these days?

These days I live in an old Hollywood neighbourhood and people like Red Buttons would come to my Christmas party. Ernest Borgnine calls me. I’m so not a part of Hollywood that those things are still kind of amazing to me. 

How did Sling Blade and the Oscar change your life?

Well, drastically. It changed in a way I can’t describe. The Academy Award puts a stamp on you. That’d a really honour because of the history of it. Knowing you’re in a club with Gregory Peck and Marlon Brando, that’s quite a thrill. 

Of all the characters you’ve played, which means the most to you?

The character I could play for the rest of my life was Ed Crane in The Man Who Wasn’t There. I won the British Critics’ Circle Award for that. I’m at the Metropolitan hotel, where I always stay when I go to London. I’m into modern hotels a little more, because I can’t stay at the old creepy ones, you know! 

Right, the antique furniture…

That’s why I stay there, for no other reasons! But with the Critics’ Circle Awards, there’s no stadium and red carpets. Just a bunch of guys hanging out and we have a drink. My bag. I love that award. I appreciate that award so much. That was a good year.

You’ve worked with the Coens twice. Can you explain how they do what they do?

Their movies seem like they had to be improvised, but they’re such good writers, their movies are engineered. I’m a pretty improvisational guy – like A Simple Plan, I improvised a lot of that – but with the Coen brothers and The Man Who Wasn’t There, you just do what they said.

What was it like having an underage Scarlett Johansson as your romantic lead?

Scarlett was 15 at that time. We were all afraid of Scarlett. Because she wouldn’t put up with any shit from anybody. There’s a scene where she’s going down on me in this car. I put a furniture pad on my lap out of respect for a 15-yearold girl who’s doing this blowjob scene. Scarlett just threw it off and goes,’ What are you doing? I’m not some little kid. I’m not a moron.’ We were all terrified of Scarlett.

How did you handle those sex scenes with Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball?

I loved it. If I’m going do something, I’m gonna do it. I’ve never been hesitant about doing something like that. Now, I’m not exactly Roy Rogers on a horse. I got severely injured on a movie one time doing that. I can ride a horse, but goddamn it, I don’t want to ride it down mountains. But if you’ve gotta do something, you’ve gotta do it. Once I sign on, I’m not afraid to do anything – emotional especially. 

Which role has scaried you the most?

Emotionally? Er… I think… Um… Maybe… Playing… Er… Davey Crockett in The Alamo.

Really?

See, Texans are so into those heroes. And I had to play a guy who wasn’t sure he wanted to be there. There was a certain cowardice hinted at in that movie. Dangerous ground? In Texas, yeah.

Why haven’t you directed since All The Pretty Horses?

It was a good experience filming that movie, bad experience dealing with the studio. I swore I would never direct another movie I wasn’t in complete control of. Since then, I’ve written a script I’m as excited about this as anything I’ve ever done in my life. I’m going to direct it, star in it and Duvall’s gonna do it with me. We’re trying to get it financed now…

So what’s the problem?

I need $10-12m to make the movie. I can only get $6-7m. Because they say this movie is not teenage vampires in 3D. It’s not a bunch of short, fat, hairy guys who go to Vegas and get in trouble. 

What is it about?

It’s a movie about… Well, it’s hard to describe anything I write. It’s a comedy-drama about families in 1969. Very much like anything I’ve ever written or been in, it’s darkly humorous on the surface and very heavy underneath. You’re gonna love the shit out of it. You will love the holy shit out of this movie.

Angelina’s moving into directing now. Have you spoken to her recently?

Oh yeah, absolutely. But I’ve talked to her several times since she’s been over her doing it and boy, I’m so happy and proud of her that’s she’s doing that – because she should be writing and directing. I got a feeling that she’s gonna turn out something real special.

Have you given her any advice?

I don’t know whether I gave her any advice, she’s way smarter than I am. I just say, ‘hey, I hope you’re holding up okay because I know hard it is directing a movie. I don’t give her any advice because she doesn’t need any. But once I get to direct this movie, maybe I’ll ask her for some. You never know…

Publication: Total Film

Is there anything controversial in your new autobiography?

No, not really. I mean, there’s whole thing about Meredith Catsanus… I’m sure that particular girl wouldn’t have minded me telling the story.

Go on…

I kind of say, ‘This isn’t going to be a tell-all. I’m not going to talk about my first sexual experience.’ But then I do, about touching this girl’s boobs. And I didn’t want to name her. I do name a lot of friends from childhood – because I didn’t touch their boobs.

Why call your book Nerd Do Well?

That’s where the word ‘Nerd’ comes from. The word Nerd is a shortening of Ne’er Do Well. It’s a bit self-aggrandising actually…

Well, touching boobs probably makes you a high-functioning nerd…

Yes! Haha. Yes. I’m not like the kind of anorak, basement-dweller archetype. I mean, I marvel at the level of some fan dedication. There’s a whole regiment of Stormtroopers called the 501st, who have garrisons all round the world.

Don’t those hardcore geeks scary you a bit?

No, I think it’s inspiring.  I love it. It’s so honest. I think part of the reason why Star Trek attracted such a following is because it’s a universe where everyone’s accepted. It’s this incredible utopia where you can be different and you’re still included.

Did you steal anything from the Star Trek set?

You know, Star Trek was the hardest thing! I nick stuff from my own films, because they can’t stop me. But Star trek, every night I checked in my phaser and my Star Trek ring with props. No, I didn’t.

Definitely?

Do you know what, I genuinely couldn’t have done. JJ Abrams is a master secret-keeper. He really is. I used to try to get stuff about Lost off him on set and he would not give a thing away.

You’re back for Star Trek 2?

Oh yeah. Yeah. It’s being written now and Scotty’s still in there. I spoke to Damon Lindahoff, who’s one of the writers, and it’s about them all getting to know each other, becoming friends and learning to trust each other.

You’re in Mission: Impossible 4 too. Do you keep in touch with Tom Cruise?

I sent him a message to say hi at the ITV Movie Awards because I missed him – he was there and I went home. And he sent me one back saying, ‘You’ve avoiding me.’

Is he a nice guy in person?

The sweetest thing he did once was when they asked him to present a comedy award to me at the ITV comedy awards. He wasn’t selling anything at the time and it wasn’t even televised, so he wasn’t going to do that. But he sent me this big Fortnum & Mason’s hamper to say sorry I didn’t do that but good luck. So all Christmas, we had The Tom Cruise Marmalade in the fridge. It was just a really thoughtful thing to do.

Did he ever try to convert you?

He never mentioned any of his beliefs when he worked together. There was never any Scientology tent. There is a lot of mythology surrounding him. He’s lived an extraordinary life and he is the product of that life. He’s quite otherworldly, Tom Cruise.

Does it amaze you that you’re working with people like Cruise and Spielberg?

If I could have known that when I was young, I would have just been running around screaming with excitement. I mean, the first time I met Spielberg, I almost crashed on the freeway back, because I was kinda like, ‘Yaaarrggh!’

Are you the only British actor who’s managed to avoid appearing in any Richard Curtis films?

Richard Curtis had a big read-through for Love, Actually and I went along to that and I read the part that Rowan Atkinson eventually played. That was when the script was really big. It was like THAT thick. As opposed to that thick.

Now you’re famous, do you get weird fan mail?

I get off pretty lightly actually. I get a lot of fan mail because I’ve become attached to big fan-bases  like Star Trek, Doctor Who and Narnia now as well. Occasionally you get odd letters.

For example?

Well, I know there’s a guy who writes to actress and always asks for pictures of their hands. He’s in prison.

You’re a big tweeter. What’s your favourite Twitter moment?

We did a real-time twitter Paranormal Activity play. I tweeted one morning that my attic was open and I didn’t know why. I did know why, it was a faulty catch. Everyone was going, ‘Oh that’s really creepy.’ So then I started to lie… I tweeted that my dog was sat underneath it barking. Then I said, I’m going to go up there and check it out. I’ll be back in five minutes. And I didn’t come back for two days.

And you got Nick Frost involved too, right?

I said to Nick and my sister Kate, ‘If people ask you where I am, say you don’t know, then say you’re going to come round my house.’ And then they all vanished.  And we vanished for two days. Then the only thing I tweeted after disappearing was this phrase in Ancient Greek: ‘They’re my children now and you will never see them again.’ It was really creepy. Then three days later, exactly five minutes after I’d gone up before, I tweeted, ‘There’s nothing up there. It’s fine.’

What might you have been if you’d never made it as an actor?

There was a time when I wanted to be a vet. But I don’t have any technical mathematical skills. I don’t have a brain like that. It doesn’t do maths. I was always very interested in special effects. I might have gone into prosthetic makeup. I was always building little heads and filling them with blood and squashing them in vices when I was a kid.

Who would play you in a biopic of your life?

I don’t know, I don’t know… I’m trying to think of an actor the equivalent of me at 20. Somebody…  I’m so out of touch with the youngsters now. Maybe Michael Cera seeing as Edgar’s replaced me with Michael for Scott Pilgrim.

Now that you’ve ticked off Star Trek, would you like to star in Superman or Bond?

Only to play a villain, I could never play either of them. We were at Comic-Con recently and we saw Daniel Craig and he is a leading man. He’s just got the look, he’s built, he’s got the requisite. I don’t. I’m just a regular guy.

How about Q?

Oh, that’d be fun. Somebody said that to me. You should be the new Q. It depends. Now I’m a voice in the new Narnia movie, I’d like to do something that’s not attached to a known brand.

You’re starring with Craig in Steven Spielberg’s Tintin. Maybe you could text him about Q?

Yeah! Yeah, I could actually. ‘Hey Daniel…’ I dunno what’s happening with Bond. That’s all up in the air. He’s got about a million things on so he’s not worried.

What was it like getting the call from Spielberg?

I remember the night I came back from seeing Raiders for the first time. And then, 30 years later, him calling the house and my mum hearing his voice coming out of my phone. And me thinking, ‘Wow, do you remember that night when I came back and said how amazing Raiders was and how brilliant that guy was? Here he is. We can hear him in our house. That’s the guy.’

What’s Spielberg like on set?

There’s no false-modesty there. He’ll just tell you a story about making Close Encounters, because for him it was just making a film. He would always say, ‘That’s in the movie!’ That’s his way of saying, ‘You did a good take.’ He started calling me and Nick ‘his boys’, too: ‘Here’s my boys, here’s my boys…’

How awesome was it being directed by him?

It was awesome on a daily basis. Me and Andy Serkis were doing a scene where Captain Haddock is shaking me. Steven goes, ‘No, no, no. Try and do it like this.’ So Steven got on top of me and he started shaking me. I was just lying on the floor being beaten up by King Kong and Steven Spielberg.

Has he shown you any footage yet?

I’ve only seen what was up on the screen when we were shooting, which was very crude kind of N64 level version of what we were doing. But it’ll look like Herge’s drawings in 3D. As real as Avatar, if not more so, because technology has advanced.

What’s the latest on your next film with Edgar Wright?

Edgar blabbermouthed this ‘World’s End’ title and I phoned him and said, ‘You IDIOT. What have you done? That’s exactly what we said we weren’t gonna  do.’ Because suddenly it becomes a thing, an entity. At the moment, there’s no entity.

Is it a disaster-movie parody?

No, I don’t know what it is. We’ve got a rough idea. I think it’s just going to be another film about where we are in our lives right now. About growing up. It’ll be about being 40.

What’s it like turning 40?

My 40th birthday was the most bizarre thing. I was stood on a gallows with a noose round my neck, my hands tied behind my back and 500 warty peasants singing me happy birthday. I was filming Burke And Hare that day and the scene was my own execution. I don’t feel any different. It’s a milestone, figuratively. Such a long way from 28, which is what I was when I made Spaced.

Have you had a mid-life crisis yet?

Yeah… I think I’m having one. I really want to buy a Porsche. That’s probably what that is.

What’s the most outlandish thing you’ve bought?

I’m not very outlandish. I bought a massive TV for my house. I have a room in the house especially for watching films.

How massive are we talking?

It’s like, 65ins, plasma. You know, HD, all that kind of stuff. Gives off quite a lot of heat, actually. It’s quite a warm room. But I’m just not very extravagant.

So you’ve never blown a couple of million of a Superman cape or something?

I’ve got a customised Darth Vader helmet which I bought at auction. But I don’t have a Stormtooper outfit in a glass case or anything like that.

Not even one?

No, I don’t. I genuinely don’t. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have much money growing up, I guess. I’m not a hugely materialistic person. I’ll buy shitloads of stuff for the dog.

Publication: ShortList

Reviews for Prince Of Persia and Clash Of The Titans weren’t great. How do you feel when that happens?

The worst thing is when you’re in stonkingly bad flops and they’re all in the same year and you think, ‘Oh well, that’s my career over.’ You never know.

How come you’re in so many movies this year?

It’s just sort of worked out that way, even though we finished Prince Of Persia in 2008. Someone said to me the other day, ‘Oh my God, you’re everywhere!’ And I just thought, ‘I don’t want this!’ I don’t want people to think, ‘God, not her again!’ It’s just turned out that way. It’s quite nerve-wracking.

Do you think you have more power in Hollywood now?

It’s funny. It’s not really been these Hollywood movies that have got me these scripts. It’s mostly the independent films I did and this TV thing I did, Tess. But Prince Of Persia will hopefully will give me more stock. Although it’s not a given. I remember watching I Am Legend, there was that girl in it, and then thinking, ‘Where is she now? That was one of biggest movies of that year.’ Just because you’re in a big movie, it doesn’t mean everyone is going to remember you.

Do you do your own stunts?

I did a horse-riding stunt in Prince Of Persia that I spend four weeks learning. I knew everyone would think it was the stunt woman so I made sure I looked over my shoulder! I was so pleased with that bit. But there are some things that are too risky and you’re not allowed to do. I had to jump out of a window on a wire. But I love it. My mum said to me when I was 10 years old, ‘You’ll be a stunt woman.’ And I have done a lot of action movies.

Do you see yourself an something different to Hollywood’s formulaic sexy actresses?

I’ve never thought about it really… I can’t visualise myself as that! Every time I approach a role, even with the Bond one, I always think, ‘I’m just the interesting one, Olga’s the sexy one.’ But in this one, I’m the only girl in it, so they must want me to be hot. I thought, ‘I’m not hot enough… They should get Natalie Portman…’ But Mike Newell was rooting for me because he wanted someone who could deliver the banter.

Did you have to call Ben Kingsley, “Sir Ben”?

Well, I didn’t know… I was always like, ‘I’m not going to call him Sir Ben.’ And anyway, my agent also looks after Ben and she said, ‘He doesn’t really make you do that. It’s a rumour so that people kind of stay away from him.’ So when I met him, I thought, ‘Okay, what shall I say?’ And he went, ‘Hi, I’m Ben!’ Oh brilliant! You’re Ben.

Which filmmakers would you love to work with?

It’s funny, I’m really into my dark movies. Like Haneke, Von Trier…

You know, everyone says Von Trier…

Because he gives women really good roles. Even though they’re quite repressed. Emily Watson is one of my favourite performances ever. Bjork’s performance in Dancer In The Dark inspired me to become an actress. It’s this inner turmoil. And then also, Andrea Arnold, who is like those kind of directors but British.

We interviewed Olga Kurylenko recently and she said she wanted to work with Von Trier too…

Did she say Von Trier?! Maybe me and Olga should do a Von Trier together! Oh no. We’ve fucked it by playing Bond girls. Now he’s never going to work with us…

Publication: Fotogramas

Do you like to be called Leo or Leonardo?

Either one is fine. Leo is probably the only nickname I’ve had. Most people call me Leo.

Didn’t they try to make you change your name?

Yeah, there when I was 11 years old when I first wanted to be an actor professionally. We went to an agent and they wanted to change my name to Lenny Williams. 

That’s not cool.

Not really. Not really. They felt my name was too ethnic and wouldn’t get as many jobs. So that thwarted me from being an actor for a number of years. I tried again, I think, two years later when I was 13 and got an agent to accept me with my name.

You were Oscar nominated five years later. How does that feel when you’re 18?

For Gilbert Grape, yeah. And I absolutely didn’t know how to react to any of it. I remember coming out of a screening and somebody telling me how great they thought my performance was and that there was a potential for me to be nominated. I’d never heard anything like that before. It was all completely confusing. I was excited but I didn’t understand how hard it is to accomplish something like that.

When was the last time you saw What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?

Couple of years ago.

Do you recognise that boy?

That and This Boy’s Life, especially, both those films I get quite nostalgic about. It’s sometimes emotional watching them because I feel like I’m that kid again. Really just incredibly happy to have gotten a shot. So I remember a lot of those moments on set like they were yesterday, especially working with people like De Niro and Depp at that age. It was like winning the lottery.

Do you ever think the Oscar and ‘Leo mania’ was too much too soon?

I’ve thought about that question a lot. A lot of people may look at what I’ve done career-wise and say that there was a time period in which I tried to possibly become a movie star, per se, tried to go for much bigger pictures.

Any truth in that?

The truth of the matter is, there /was/ a period of time, very early on – when I started watching films and having heroes in the industry, actor-wise. But I feel I’ve been very consistent about my dreams in this industry and what I wanted to be as an actor.

Did that include playing Robin in Batman Forever? There’s a rumour you screen-tested for it.

I had a meeting. I never screen-tested. I had a meeting with Joel Schumacher. It was just one meeting and, no, I didn’t end up doing it.

Did you actually want the role?

Er, I don’t think I did, no. [laughs] As I recall I took the meeting, but didn’t want to play the role. Joel Schumacher is a very talent director but I don’t think I was ready for anything like that.

Do you feel like you dodged a bullet?

[laughs]

Were you in talks to play Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

I did have a meeting with George Lucas about that as well, yes.

What happened?

Same scenario. [laughs]

He wanted you, but you didn’t fancy it?

Um, right. Exactly.

Why?

Again, just didn’t feel ready to take that dive. At that point.

What about Spider-Man? How close did you come to playing him before your friend Tobey Maguire took the part?

Er, that was another one of those situations, similar to Robin, where I didn’t feel ready to put on that suit yet. They got in touch with me.

Would you like to play a superhero?

You never know. You never know. They’re getting better and better as far as complex characters in these movies. I haven’t yet. But no, I don’t rule out anything.

Your new film Inception, by The Dark Knight director Chris Nolan, is pretty mindblowing. How highly do you rate Nolan?

I think only one or two other filmmakers in this industry would be able to accomplish this film. It’s certainly not something you come across very often. And it really is all Chris Nolan.

Being honest, did you understand the script when you read it?

Well, it wasn’t that the script was incomprehensible. Here you have a man who’s part of a black-market organisation of dream-infiltration and is also haunted by his own subconscious nightmares that keep infiltrating his network and sabotaging the ideas.

You visited mental asylums to prepare for Shutter Island. What’s the most extreme thing you’ve ever done to prepare for a role?

Well, the thing is, there were really no reference points for this film. You’re dreaming. I’ve read Freud’s analysis of dreams, but at the end of the day I realised that this is, for all intents and purposes, locked in the mind of Chris Nolan. That’s what my preparation was: my conversations with him where he tried to relay this concept that’s been swirling around in his mind for eight years.

Ever had dream that’s stuck in your memory?

I’m not a big dreamer. They come to me and I forget them immediately.

Have you ever tried lucid dreaming or hallucinogenic drugs that create a dream-world?

You mean like peyote or… what’s the other drug people go to Brazil for? It’s, um… I forgot the name of it. I’ve had a couple of friends who’ve gone on those trips.

But have you tried them yourself?

I haven’t done them myself. But I’ve had friends who’ve gone to Brazilian rainforests and Peru and taken some of these drugs that make you vomit for three days and see your dreams in a waking state. The stories that they told me were pretty profound – they never saw reality in the same way again. It really changed their lives. It made them look at reality as completely different.

Tempted to try it?

Have I been tempted by it? Who knows, who knows. Some day, but I haven’t as of yet.

Nolan loves. Scorsese loves you. You’re getting a lot of great roles. Do you feel like you’re more respected now?

No, the truth of the matter is, I’ve spent very little time trying to figure that out – trying to figure out what the consensus is. The more you try to control it, the less you have a grasp on people’s perception. It’s a tremendous waste of time, I think. I don’t think an audience always wants you to do the same thing or try aggressively to prove anything.

Is it true that you broke Daniel Day-Lewis nose when you were filming a fight scene for Gangs Of New York?

No. That is not true. He did break his nose. There was a scene where I think that maybe the misconception is this. He was supposed to be head-butting my face after I tried to assassinate him in front of a Chinese pagoda.

He broke his nose on your face?

It was a head-butt, but it wasn’t me. It was a pillow or a sandbag or something like that. That’s when he broke his nose. He was smashing his face off–camera. I wasn’t anywhere near the camera.

Have you ever been in a real fight?

Yes, I have! [laughs] Yep.

So what happened?

Oh, you know, I mean, in junior high and high school, I grew up in kind of a rough neighbourhood and I was much smaller than I am now. I didn’t go through my growth spurt until I was 15 years old. So I always sort of had to fight my way to have credibility in school and ended up with other, tougher guys.

So lots of fights?

So I got in lots and lots of fights in school. And sometimes it’s carried on to after school as well, but I’m pretty level-headed for the most part, I don’t ever look for it, ever, and I don’t condone it. And it’s never something that feels good after it, that’s for sure.

You have a Twitter account. Is that you tweeting or do you get people to do it for you?

I am tweeting, about the environmental issue that I’ve been working on for the last eight months. I just went to Nepal and Bhutan and I’m going to some other places to work with the World Wildlife Fund on trying to try to save the last of the wild tigers, because there’s only 3,200 left. I’m going toa revamp my website and try to do an internet component with everything I’m doing philanthropically. So that’s what I’m focused on.

You donate a lot of money to charity. What do you spend on yourself?

I’m not really the type of guy who spends his money on a lot of luxurious stuff. I’m a collector. I collect art and vintage film posters and things of that nature.

Did you watch the USA in the World Cup?

You know, I pretty much only really love basketball, that’s what I’ve got a real passion for. I know soccer in the US is obviously not our main sport but for that win [against Algeria] in the tie that we had, people were going nuts here.

What do you do when you’re not shooting movies?

I travel. I’ve been travelling this whole year and going to a lot of cool places that I’ve always wanted to see and experience. That’s what I do in my off-time. That and trying to find the next good movie to do. Trying to develop stuff through my production company. Buy rights to films that I think might be interesting. See places in the world and be a part of ecological movements of people. That’s where I spend most of my time when I’m not working.

What’s the best place you’ve ever visited?

Wow… There’s quite a few. When I did The Beach in Thailand, that’s was one of the most amazing places that I’ve ever been. I’m a big scuba diver, too, so I just went to Galapagos and saw where Darwin formed his theory of evolution and that was pretty spectacular.

Where else do you recommend to dive?

You can’t beat the Great Barrier Reef for coral reefs. That, and Belize is pretty amazing. I did the Blue Hole, with the reef sharks and stalactites and everything. It’s definitely worth seeing, man. That’s one of the top places in the world, for sure.

You’re close with Kate Winslet. Now that her husband, Sam Mendes, is director the next Bond, would you be interest in a role?

A role? Or Bond himself? [laughs]

You tell us. You’d be interested in playing Bond?

Again, it always depends… on the director, on the script, on the role. Like I said, I don’t rule anything out.

Publication: ShortList

Robert Rodriguez, Nimrod Antal and the cast of Predators reveal why they ain’t afraid of no reboot…

Robert Rodriguez (producer):“Do I have an opinion of the Alien Vs Predator movies? Yeah, just enough to go, ‘We don’t want to go that route!’ They killed off the Predators with the AvP movies, but they knew they had a classic Hollywood monster and wanted to bring it back. They needed a filmmaker that was a big fan. I am.

Back in the ‘90s, I was about to do Desperado and had some free time and my agent said, ‘Oh there’s a writing assignment at Fox for another Predator movie. So I jumped on that. I saw the original in the theatre with my older brother, who was into bodybuilding at the time, so we’d always go and see any Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. The audience was a little confused, because it started off as a Commando movie and turned into Alien. I just wrote any crazy, cool idea I could come up with. It wasn’t till last year they brought it back to revitalise the entire series, almost like they did with the Batman series. 

I was working on Machete but Predators was going on at the very same time. It was fantastic. The studio wanted me to produce it so I picked Nimrod Antal to direct. He had such a clear idea of what he wanted to do with the movie: make it scary and make it about the hunt. We had to bring the script up to date, because mine was written so long ago it still had Arnold in it. Other than that we just had to come up with new characters.

The characters don’t know what they’re getting into – and we need the audience to feel that to rediscover this for the first time. I wanted to make the audience feel like they hadn’t seen five Predator movies. I consider this the second one. I always thought this was like Aliens was to Alien – you’re not trying to reboot it. If you’ve seen the first one, they connect in a nice small way, but it pretty much is a standalone.

What were the things I wanted to keep? Practical effects – that’s how the original was shot. I think it was important to keep the Predators are something tangible on set that the actors respond to versus acting around a CG thing. And if you can get an Oscar-winning actor in a Predator movie, take him! I don’t ever worry when someone like Adrien Brody hasn’t done hard action before. There’s a first time for everything. I’d done that in Desperado with Antonio Banderas, who’d done a lot of European art films. George Clooney was a paediatrician doctor in ER before From Dusk Till Dawn. You always go for the best actors because they make you believe everything they say and do. And he’s playing a mercenary, so it completely works that way. You won’t question it for a second when you see him in the movie.

I loved the atmosphere of the jungle that they had lost in Predator 2. I wanted to go back to that, which is why I had written it on another planet set in the jungle. They messed with the design so much. I wanted to keep the classic Predator that you haven’t seen since the first movie with Arnold. Then you could really compare it to the new tribe we have, which is much more brutal, scarier-looking, primal, just sadistic.
They’ve got all kinds of new traps and weapons, because we wanted to differentiate the Predators by their hunting tactics. So if one hunts by flushing out its prey then he’s a dog-handler. He has these Predator-hounds he sends out. Another one uses a ‘falcon’, a seeing device that flies around – anything it sees the Predator can see. You’re pretty much screwed if you’ve landed on that planet. You’re not gonna really survive. If you get away it’s just because they let you get away, just so they can figure out how they’re gonna kill you on the next round. They take their time. I can’t give it away, obviously. But the technology that they have involves… Torture.

It was great that we didn’t have to worry about needing to water it down to PG-13. They let us go ahead and do an R-rated version, because that’s what my original script was: clearly a very hard R. It’s strong. It needs to be scary. The first movie was more of an action movie. This is more of a horror film. It feels like these people are dropped on the planet to be killed by killers. Every few minutes something is happening. It’s pretty non-stop from the very beginning. They hit the ground in the opening scene, you’re on the planet and it’s go go go. That’s how you would feel if you were suddenly on a planet being hunted. You’re running from beginning to the end.

We shot in Hawaii and we wanted it to look like another planet, so we used areas that were not very picaresque. It’s always raining so there’s always a lot of mud and it hard to move around. I thought people were going to be breaking their ankles right and left, but no injures. It looks much, much bigger than it costs – the budget is along the lines of all my other movies. That’s why they’re putting it out in the summer. It’s a big, big summer movie. The world that we create with this suggests a lot of stories could be told. So yeah, if it works out, it ends with so many ideas and questions introduced that you could certainly go on and make several movies. 

Are you going to get to see Predators go head-to-head with each other? Oh yeah. There’s a tribal war going on. I can’t tell you any more, but you will get to see the Predator kicking other Predators asses…” 

Nimrod Antal [director]: “Homage not fromage”

“It’s a question of asking, ‘Is that cheesy? Does that feel false?’ The original got so many things right, so we tried to throw in as many homages as we could – everything from the original creature design to the original score – without stepping over that line. The first film had action in it but it was predominantly a suspense film. Suspense is something I felt was completely lacking in the other films, so that was the first thing I brought back. But at the same time, the action scenes are stunning. We have spine-tearing. Decapitations. And we use the word ‘Fuck’ more than twice.”

Adrien Brody: “Do the unexpected”

“For me to have an opportunity like this is a big deal for me. Regardless of the type of work I may be known for, I want to do things that are unexpected. So in one day I popped off 400 rounds of ammunition. It was amazing. Weapon of choice for my character is a fully automatic 12-gauge shotgun. I tell you, it’s pretty exhilarating. It also feels like you’ve been hazed. Like you’ve been punched in your bicep by 50 of your buddies. I loved that about the original, this endless firepower obliterating the terrain. When the shit hits the fan, it hits the fan.”

Danny Trejo: “The Four ’B's”

“You gotta remember, in order to make a good movie, you have to have the three Bs: babes, bullets and blood. And we got all three of them. I show up with two machineguns, a 9mm and a knife. But Adrien is a lot different from the first guy. I think he’s a lot better. The other guy was all about muscle and steroids, this guy is about brains. I like guns, but you get a little tired of watching somebody’s bicep. When you look at Adrien Brody, you can see him thinking. He has to outthink this thing.”

Topher Grace: “Start with the script”

I didn’t think I would be doing a Predator film. The real surprise to me was how great the script was. Then I read the script and I thought, ‘This is unbelievable.’ It’s a well-written character piece that really sucked me in before any aliens showed up. Which I think was what was great about the original. We’re waiting for a monster to come out of the woods and there’s a shot of the woods for like a minute – and I was getting scared. And it’s just a shot of the woods! It’s great storytelling. I thought, ‘This is the best kind of sequel to be in.’” 

Publication: Total Film

Is Woody Allen a hero of yours?

Yes, he’s an idol. For sure. Maybe, one of my few.

Woody has a lot of female muses. Do you?

I think my only muse is my mother. Her voice is the most accessible to me in my life. I can hear her screaming at me many times during the day. ‘LARRY! PUT A JACKET ON! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT, YOU’RE GOING OUT IN THIS, IN THIS WEATHER WITHOUT A JACKET?’

Thinking about people like you, Woody, Groucho Marx… Why are Jews funny?

Oh boy, that is a really good question. It probably comes from the ‘shtetl’ in Europe, where everybody was living close to each other. And there’s also something about the Yiddish language that had a very jazzy, sing-song quality to it and I think because of the persecution probably over thousands of years, we’ve developed a sense of anxiety
that produces humour.

Is that why your comedy is so pessimistic?

A neurotic defective anxiety, I would say, that produces humour. We’re not able to clearly enjoy the things that the non-Jews enjoy. The history of pessimism is conducive to comedy. That’s my analysis.

That’s a good answer.

Oh, did you like my answer? Oh, thanks.

Who do you see as the next great Jewish funnyman? Seth Rogen, maybe?

Oh gee, I don’t know, I really see that much. I don’t. No. I don’t get to the movies at all any more.

How come?

Um… I don’t know. I used to go, when I was married, I would go with my wife, occasionally, but… I don’t know. I’m just not drawn to go anymore. I can’t say why. Maybe because I don’t get paper so I don’t have a listing. Hahahahaha! And it could be as simple as that, by the way. I don’t have a listing. I don’t even know what’s playing.

What does it feel like to be a cult hero for so many people?

A cult hero? Oh. Gee. Well, that’s nice to hear. But I’m not walking about in the day thinking I’m a cult hero, I can tell you that. I invariably disappoint, so lower your expectations.

Do you feel like you’ve changed comedy with Curb?

Do I feel I’ve changed comedy? Do I feel I’ve changed comedy? Well… Um… Haha. I hope I’ve had some kind of impact. But it would be wildly self-aggrandising to say I’ve changed comedy.

What is that you find so interested about the pain of human interaction?

What appeals to me mostly I think are the things that are not said among humans. All the things that go unspoken. It seems to me that most of our lives are not really truthful. The truth is really a lot quieter than most of the stuff that goes on between people. So I think that what I’m basically out for here on Curb. I think there’s an
honesty to the show, which is what people appreciate about it.

Do you enjoy making people cringe when they watch Curb?

You know, it’s interesting, because I never realised that the show would have that sort of effect on people. And then after we’d been on the air, people say, ‘I couldn’t watch that scene, I had to leave the room.’ I was shocked when people were telling me. I thought, ‘Gee, that’s pretty good.’ Haha. Just don’t leave – come back.

So what embarrasses you?

Oh. Um… What embarrasses me? I would probably say… Penises?

They are pretty embarrassing.

Yes. Yes. Mine, others, yes.

Everyone has a ‘Larry David moment’ from their lives. What’s yours?

We did a show once where I thanked a man for dinner and I didn’t thank his wife. That actually happened to me. And that was definitely a Larry David moment and she said, ‘Aren’t you going to thank me?’ And I said, ‘Well, you didn’t pay for it.’

How close are you really to the Larry David in Curb?

I find as the show goes on that I’m actually able to incorporate more of the character in my own personal life. Which I can tell you is a pleasure.

You want to be more like that Larry?

Yes, I’m hoping to. I’m trying. It’s liberating.

Do you prefer Curb or Seinfeld?

Oh, well, you know, I have two completely different roles really. Seinfeld I was just producer but Curb is really three jobs – the writing, the acting and the editing. For me, the editing is the easiest, the writing is the hardest and the acting is the most fun.

Do you have any plans to go on Twitter?

No, no, no , I don’t do any of that. I write longhand. Very, very rarely do I go on a computer. And texting… It’s very interesting. I was thinking just a second ago that sometimes that when you send these texts, you don’t get the spelling right. And it becomes very interesting to try and figure out what the person is trying to say. I
was texting my sister, saying, this is crazy, we can’t get this done.

Can you tell us about Ricky Gervais’ upcoming role in Curb?

Yeah, Ricky’s going to be on. Oh, I love Ricky. We’re friends and we get along. We along in a slightly different manner than the way the character of Ricky Gervais will be getting along with me on the show.

What’s going to happen?

Well, he’s going to be playing himself, or a version of himself and he’s going to be on Broadway, he’s going to be starring in a Broadway play… and that’s about all I can tell you. Michael J Fox is gonna be on the show soon, too.

What do you like about Gervais?

He has a very… Hahaha. I don’t know. He’s one of those guys where you look at him, he doesn’t have to say anything and you just start laughing. I was telling him that so many times I would watch The Office or Extras and as I’m watching it, I’m going, ‘Oh, that’s a great idea, what a great idea. I wish I’d thought of that.’ That’s what happens when I watch his shows: I wish I’d thought of that.

Are you a big fan of British comedy?

Well, yeah. You’re not insecure are you? Who’s better than Monty Python? I think Americans who appreciate comedy think highly of you.

What are your favourite movies?

Oh… Let’s see. I have very pedestrian tastes, you know. I could name a number of Woody Allen films that I love.

But he doesn’t like his own films, right?

Well, when you see your stuff enough times, you kinda get sick of it. Also, he doesn’t see himself the way other people see him. He thinks he’s kinda of mediocre.

Do you feel that way?

Yeah, of course, all the time. I do think the show is funny. But I have a lot doubts about what I do. I’ve heard that voice before. He’s been talking to me my whole life. And I just try not to pay too much attention to it. That voice that yammers on, you can’t listen to it really.

What would you have been if you never made it as a comedian or a writer?

Maybe a baseball announcer. When I was younger listen to the television, turn the sound off and try to announce the games. I don’t know if I had any talent for it really.

Can you remember the moment you decided you wanted to be a comedian?

I was in a nightclub watching comedians with some friends. And as I watching it, it occurred to me that I was definitely funnier than that guy. And then I tried to get on. I’d never even done it. I got out of my chair and went to the owner of the club and said, ‘I’d like to go on.’ And he says, ‘Who are you?’ And I said, ‘I’m just in the audience.’ He said, ‘You’re kidding, you can’t go on.’ Thank God he turned me down. If he’d let me go up I would have failed miserably and I may never have gone on again.

What’s the secret to being a great standup?

Having nothing else in your life going for you. Yeah, it has to be like a last resort.

Now used to be penniless, now you’re worth millions. Has success changed you?

No, I think deep down I’m still the same person for sure. The externals are different but the internals are the same. I have little more confidence now than I had some years ago. But the core of who you are never changes really.

You believe that?

Yeah, I do. I was shy with girls when I was 12 and I still am. I’m 62.

Don’t some people call you a sex symbol?

They what? Haha. Really, that’s pretty funny. No. And I’m not being modest when I say that.

What makes you happy?
I’m a golfer. That’s what I do for fun. Here [in LA] you get to play all year round.

Are you any good?

I’m getting better, but I’d say I’m mediocre.

Samuel L Jackson said the reason he loves golf is that there are no
excuses: it’s just you and the ball.

Right. But there are still excuses. I disagree with him on that one. Yeah. The tee in my pocket was scratching me.

Are you always writing things down to put in episodes of Curb?

Yeah, I carry a pad around with me. Every time I write something down, people think they gave it to me. It’s not so much my friends, but people who I don’t really know so well might say something and go, ‘You’re not gonna put that in Curb, are you?’ Everybody thinks that they’re so hilarious that they gave me an idea. Usually it has nothing to do with them. My mind sort of tends towards catastrophe in many situations. I think probably that’s the source of it.

Why do you think Curb connects with so many people?

I think people appreciate the honestly of the character in much the same way that people seem to love Simon Cowell: because he’s so brutally honest. My character on the show is not as forceful as Cowell, I don’t think. But I think people just like that, because it’s so rare. It’s rare for me in my own life, so it’s actually liberating for me in a way to do it. And there’s also a spontaneity about the show that people like, because it’s improvised.

Do you ever think about stopping?

I don’t think about retiring. I do think about not doing Curb any more. I think about it very seriously. So who knows? I really don’t know how long I’m going to do it for. But right now, it’s still fun and I keep doing it. I try to think what else I could do that would be as satisfying and I can’t come up with anything.

So you don’t get bored of playing yourself?

No, I don’t seem to… Other people might do.

Publication: ShortList

Do people still struggle with your surname?

Oh, definitely, man. Yeah, that’s like my favourite thing ever: the many mispronunciations of the name Gyllenhaal. Gill-en-hale, Gyle-en-hall, Gyle-en-hale. Particularly when somebody does know what you’ve done and they’re like, ‘YOU’RE JAKE GALLILIANHOOL! Yeah? Oh, I love your work!’

Does it bother you?

No, I forgive them. It’s an absurd last name. It’s Swedish.

Your dad’s a director and your mother is a screenwriter. Do you think having a Hollywood family has helped your career?

Um… Do you?

It must have in some ways, surely?

I tell you, being an actor is just full of rejection. Whether or not you have people you know in the business, you still have to prove yourself. No one’s just going to put you in something just because you’re somebody’s kid. I think it’s great for me that I have a sister that does the same thing.

Do you and Maggie have a friendly rivalry?

No, we don’t. I think we used to be a little competitively, stupidly. And then we both realised we could never be up for the same parts so there was no reason for us to. But no, she was just nominated for an Academy Award and being there with her was one of the best days of my life.

So you weren’t like, ‘Uh-oh, it’s 1-1 now’?

Yeah, exactly, I was like, ‘Oh god, I’ve been waiting a while! She’s my big sister, she’s supposed to do everything first.’

Can you handle watching her saucier roles in movies like Secretary?

Yeah, and like Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges? Yeah. I can’t watch those scenes. It’s very uncomfortable. You know, particularly because she gives a great performance in that movie. The more committed you are to the part, the weirder it is for your family to watch those things.

What might you have been if not an actor?

I love cooking. If I weren’t an actor I think I actually would probably be a cook. And I would like to grow my own food.

What’s your best dish?

If I were to say that I wouldn’t genuinely be a good cook.

You were once a lifeguard. Did you ever save anyone’s life?

No… There were a lot of jellyfish and I did piss on a couple of legs and arms – to equalise the pH.

So that’s the right thing to do if you get stung by a jellyfish. You just…

Piss on yourself. Yes.

You’ve packed on quite a bit of muscle for Prince Of Persia. Could you give us a tip on how to get a great body?

Yeah, first step is to grow your hair really long. Second step is to get some pomade. Third step is never get a 2-in-1 conditioner shampoo, always use shampoo and then conditioner.

Thanks. But we meant ‘a great body’, not ‘great body’…

You can get a nice forearm workout massaging the scalp. First shampoo and then conditioner. That’s where the biceps and the triceps come from.

And is there potentially a real tip you could give us too?

Lance Armstrong said to me, ‘Just break a sweat once a day.’ Break a sweat once a day – and not out of stress – and you’ll stay healthy for the rest of your life. And I think that’s really true. Find something to get your heart-rate up, that’s what I did with this. But it’s good also to get paid to do it! That really helps.

How do you feel about being a pin-up for both male and female fans?

Er, there’s been nothing bad so far… If that’s what it is. No… If that’s what it is, it’s flattering, but… I don’t know.

Do you mind if we debunk a couple of rumours about you?

Sure! Oh gosh…

They say you’re a dab hand at a woodworking too. Is that nonsense?

That is kinda nonsense… I gonna just set the record straight now. I don’t think I’m that good at woodwork. I do like doing woodwork. But I don’t necessarily think I’m good at it. It’s really hard.

What’s the last thing you made?

The last thing I think I made was a big outdoor dining table for my house. I made one for my mom that’s really great, made from salvaged wood.

Do you put your initials in it so she knows it’s from you?

No, no… My genius is anonymity.

That’s beautiful.

I know, it’s beautiful. You may be eating dinner at a table I made and not know it. I could have made this.

And is it true that Paul Newman gave you your first driving lesson?

My dad really gave me my first driving lesson, but I did go out to a track and Paul Newman was there and he showed me some tips for some serious intense driving, like how to pull yourself out of an accident, skid control and stuff like that.

How cool was that?

Well, he was just the guy who made salad dressings to me. But if he hadn’t been this extraordinary actor, this huge movie star, he still would have been this incredible person. Do you know what I mean? He always exuded that. As a kid, I could feel that. But I don’t think I did know how amazing he was until later on. And he became a real guide.

How close did you come to playing Spider-Man in Spider-Man 2?

It was pretty close. It definitely was. But that’s the way casting goes most of the time. You get close to something and then you don’t get it. Or it’s between you and someone else and then you don’t get it.

Were you gutted to miss out?

Um, no, actually. I was just so flattered that somebody even thought of me. I know that sounds kinda cheesy or clichéd but I really feel that way. Like, I know what you’re saying, like Paul Newman taught me to drive and all this stuff, but it’s still the coolest thing in the world. I still can’t believe that this is what I get to do for my job.

What about Batman Begins, you auditioned for that too, right?

I tested for that movie.

How well did that go?

Obviously not well enough… End of discussion!

Were they surprised that you went for it?

That was the beginning of me going after things that I think that people didn’t assume that I could play. Something like testing for the role of Batman, nobody wanted to see me for that.

So was it a close-run thing?

I got pretty close. I just pushed and pushed and pushed and tried as hard as I could to get it, because I thought, ‘Maybe I could do it.’ That was me saying, ‘I’m going to do things that people don’t expect. The Batman thing was definitely the beginning of that.

Are there any other big movies you missed out on?

These are horrible stories! So many, man. I’ve been acting for 15 years, since I was pretty young, so there have been tons of different things. My flummoxed audition for Dude, Where’s My Car?

You really auditioned for that?

Oh man, I gave such a good audition. Such a bummer. It was so good.

Be serious, because we’re going to print this.

I’m serious! Totally serious. I came in and they were like, ‘We don’t want it to be like Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure, we want it to be different.’ I was like, ‘I got it. I got it.’ I’d worked on it. I knew exactly what I was going to do. And I was like [put on dorky accent], ‘Dude, where’s my car?’ That was the character. That was who I was going to be. And they were like, ‘That’s great, um, can we try it again, without the accent?’ And I was like, ‘That’s all I’ve got… That was what I’ve got for it.’ That was a movie I would have loved to do.

Donnie Darko was your big breakout. Can you explain it to us?

What do you want to know?

Well, it’s one of the most brain-boggling films ever. Can you reveal what it’s actually about?

Yes. I mean, I can tell you what it’s about to me. To me, it’s just about a young boy trying to find himself and discovering that the world is a much more dangerous place than he thought. And that in every day and every hour and every week and every year, we have different deaths and we have different rebirths.

Do you believe that?

I do. I feel it. Don’t you? Aren’t there things where you’re like. ‘Oh, I’ve let go of that part of myself and I’m somebody new’? You know, like different incarnations all the time.

Some people say Donnie actually dies right at the beginning of the film when the plane engine drops on the house. Do you buy that?

Of course. Totally. I would buy into that as much as that it didn’t happen.

Did they approach you for the sequel, S Darko?

No, not at all. Something about Samantha Darko?

That’s right. Have you seen it?

No. I really know very little about it.

Have you been following the UK elections? Do Americans care?

Of course they do. I mean, I can’t speak for all Americans, but, yeah, I think it’s a very important election and it looks like people want some big change.

How about the World Cup? Will you be cheering on Team USA?

Well, I would like to say this one thing. I have liked saying that I am proud to be cheering for the Americans and not have people roll their eyes. For the first time in a very long time, I can hold my head up high. I’m excited for the Americans. I they could do some damage.

England play USA in first game. You’ll definitely be watching it?

Yes, I’m going to watch it. I’m thinking I may go to South Africa. Maybe.

Your next movie is called Nailed. Other than the fact it’s about a woman with a nail stuck in her head, can you tell us why we should watch it?

Yeah, there’s a pretty raucous sex scene with me and Jessica Biel. It’s so brilliantly shot, crazy camera moves and a lot of choreography on our parts. That was all from the mind of David O Russell. I think it took maybe 40 tries to get right.

Not a bad day in the office…

Say no more.

Publication: ShortList

“Maybe this is going to be one of your best interviews,” says Jean-Claude Van Damme, on a shaky phone line from Hong Kong. Well, why not? There’s a hell of a lot to talk about. His rivalry with ponytailed face-smasher Steven Segal. The time he blinded a stuntman by sticking a thumb in his eye. The time he got an erection on TV. And, mostly, his comeback from career-death in one of the coolest indie movies of 2008. Part comedy, part biopic, part heist movie, JCVD hands Van Damme the most complex and fascinating role of his career: himself. “When the script came in, it didn’t have anything to do with JCVD,” explains Van Damme, oddly referring to himself by his own initials in the third person. The original screenplay had Van Damme playing himself for laughs, but when French filmmaker Mabrouk El Mechri rewrote the script it became something else altogether. “The guy changes the script to this idea of putting myself against the wall and I said, ‘If I have a gun to my head, why not tell them something I want to tell them?’ The film studio, without realising, spent millions of Euros to do my own therapy on the screen.” Trapping Van Damme in a random post-office robbery in his native Belgium, El Mechri gave the actor little dialogue and lots of ad-lib. Van Damme duly stepped up with the performance of his life: funny, poignant, knowing and completely unexpected. In JCVD’s most remarkable scene, he talks straight-to-camera in an unbroken seven-minute monologue, an incredibly brave, moving confessional about a lifetime of mistakes he’s made: the pressures of fame, the women, the drugs… “When I saw myself, I felt completely naked,” he remembers. “I was free to talk to the darkness of the studio. Nobody was there to make fun of me, so I opened my heart to that camera.” Turns out, the Muscles From Brussels still has plenty to get off his chest. “That scene is really nothing,” continues Van Damme, eagerly. “What I’m going to do later…” He pauses. “I don’t know if people are going to make fun of me or not. But the truth… is the truth. I’m 48 years old. And if will lie you, it will be sad. Normal movie stars and actors talk about their next project and how good they are and this and that. I pass all that bullshit.” Hang on. Isn’t that what we’re here to talk about? His movies. His rise to stardom. His freefall into straight-to-DVD purgatory. His penchant for groin punches. Being cast as the alien in Predator, only to be fired when he complained too much.

“What I’m telling you, it’s a fact of life,” says Van Damme, seriously. “It’s truthful, it’s real, because I’ve got no advantage to tell to a magazine. They’re gonna say, ‘This guy’s whacko.’” Yes, but… But no. It’s too late. Van Damme has already begun an impassioned autobiog confession to rival the one in JCVD.

“My parents, they were very busy and they put me into a farm, near Belgium… And one night I just wake up, like an epiphany… And I want to go to that village. Because in that village there was a church. And the moon was very strong… I remember, those huge snowflakes. I remember it was a choir… They were singing ‘Ave Maria’… And I said, ‘God, I would like all the animals to be free and not to be hunted.’  Because I saw some TV show where they hunt animals and shit like that…”

Jean-Claude. What about the movies? Your big-break in Bloodsport? Playing identical twins in Double Impact? Starring with Kylie in Street Fighter? “Well, let me finish my story!” exclaims Van Damme. “Because if you want to hear something special, it’s the time to do so. If you want to ask me a question like you would be asking to George Clooney or all those guys… I will tell you. Then we have a normal discussion so that’s better for you. And then you’d be happy.” Great. Well, JCVD is obviously fascinating because… “When you start an engine, you need a battery,” he cuts in, impatiently. “If have no battery, you will have no life. Because your car will never move forward. So if you want to ask me questions about movies, great. I can kick, I jump, I can cry, I can smile, I can be a big liar. This is easy. I did those movies and I finally realised that – today – my career didn’t have anything to do with becoming famous, JCVD or a star.” So what is it all about? “I’ve got a plan,” reveals Van Damme, calmer. “And the plan only came out now. I finally realised that every movie I made to become famous, it’s nothing. In a year from now, I’m gonna do not that monologue of seven minutes. But a THREE-HOUR monologue. Explaining to people the fact of what it is. About life. What I’m going to do is make a speech about something I ask for and I receive it in a big fucking way. It was… Oh, I’m sorry. ‘Ello?’” Van Damme breaks off. There’s a call on the other line. He speaks at length in French. “‘…Ciao.’ Sorry, it has to do with France. It was a commercial. For a bed. Ha! Bed commercial! Can you believe that? Yeah, you know, I am jumping on the bed, left and right. Well, let’s talk some more!” Where were we? That’s right. Won’t people be a little put off by a three-hour life-lecture from a man who advertises beds? “Yeah, people are gonna see that three hours and say, ‘He’s crazy. I hate this guy,’” says Van Damme. “But it’s the story of a young man from Belgium, who was skinny like a toothpick and who left to chase a dream. I’ve been from sleeping in a box and stealing food to the best penthouse and private jet. All that was leading to this film I’m going to do, to finally say something.” That young man was Jean-Claude Van Varenberg, a skinny, bespectacled kid living in a Belgian town. He wasn’t Lawrence Of Arabia. He wasn’t Tintin. He wasn’t like any of his heroes. So at the age of 11, he started learning martial-arts. He knocked out his first opponent in 46 seconds. His next three fights lasted 18 seconds, 39 seconds and 12 seconds. No one stood a chance. He became European Kickboxing Champion and retired with a 18-1 (18 knockouts) record. By now, he’d lifted also the Mr Belgium bodybuilding title. Van Varenberg studied five years of ballet (“If you can survive a ballet workout, you can survive a workout in any other sport”) then moved to LA to make it in the movies. “They call me the ‘Muscles From Brussels,’” he says, slightly apologetically. “But I don’t blame them. When I came to the US, I didn’t speak English. I came with the baggage as the karate guy.” The young Belgian’s break came when caught the eye of hairy B-movie action icon Chuck Norris. “I sent him this unbelievable picture, of me jumping above a car, in the splits position, the car is driving towards me, I am jumping in the air,” says Van Damme. “And with a briefcase in my hand to look like a businessman! Chuck was very impressed. He invited me to his house. He gave me a job as an extra in one of his movies, Missing In Action. And then I left Chuck to go my own way and I was back on the street. But I knew I would make it. That’s what I said to my first producer Menahem Golan: ‘Look. I’m gonna be famous.’”

Actually, Van Damme didn’t say anything. Instead, he confronted Golan outside a restaurant and performed a breathtaking “mawashi” roundhouse kick inches from his face. It got him an invite to Golan’s office the next morning and his breakout movie. Re-edited by Van Damme himself after sitting on the shelf for two years, Bloodsport became a worldwide box-office success in 1988. After years working and training day and night, Van Damme’s star started to burn: John Woo cast him as the lead in his Hollywood debut Hard Target; he scored his first $1 million payday opposite fellow Euro-titan Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier; then sci-fi thriller Timecop became his first $100 million box-office hit. But Van Damme’s personal life was disintegrating. Divorce, marriage, divorce… Then his movies started to tank. The Quest (which he also directed), Maximum Risk and Double Team made less than $50 million combined. What happened? “When those roles came in, I was unable to let anything go,” admits Van Damme. “My wife was at home and I was travelling. Movie, promotion, movie, promotion… I’ve been trained so hard – like an animal – by my teacher. And I mean it. It’s a real warrior’s life, I guess. But I’ve got three children. I didn’t see my first kid growing. So I talk to my coach and I say, ‘I’ve got some problems.’ And he said, ‘Jean-Claude, you’ve got to understand something. I told you about the Samurai. I tell you to jump, you jump. You do push-ups on broken bottles, so if you’re exhausted your face is cut in pieces.’

“How comes Van Damme was able to take drugs?” he says abruptly. “I was going to discotheque, drinking litres of water. Never touch a cigarette in my life. Training like a mule. No one – not one of friends, not even my parents – would ever think this guy could take drugs. So a woman gave it to me who was very close to me, and I tried it, and I felt something strange when I tried it. I felt like something was pushing me to try it.”

But after the cocaine, the marital meltdowns and 10 years in straight-to-video purgatory, JCVD has bounced Van Damme unexpectedly back into the spotlight. “Since I did that movie, I don’t know what’s going on! All the big movies are coming to me. Big offers.” What are we talking here? X-Men 4? “No, like, we were gonna do Bloodsport 2,” enthuses Van Damme. “But I wanted to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son. They told me, ‘No, no, no! You cannot be a guy on drugs doing karate and shit like that.’ Then Stallone gave me a part in his next movie.”

The Expendables? Van Damme with Sly, Statham and Rourke? This is big news. “But I ask him about the subject, about the story,” continues Van Damme. “He said, ‘You gonna make a lot of money.’ Van Damme, it turns out, can pull off a perfect Stallone impression. “I don’t want to hear that,” he continues, back in his French accent. “I want to hear what was my character. He was unable to say! ‘You know, uh, well, the fighting will be good.’ Sly, what is my character? So I didn’t do the movie. I could have called him back and said, ‘You know Sly, I have an idea for a film for you to play, like maybe a priest, you go to South Central with a book and try to get the kids out of drugs with your faith.’ Sly: ‘It’s very insulting.’ No, I really believe in him. I said, ‘Sly, when I was 16, I wanted to be Rocky. Come on, stop it. Don’t be childish. And I hung up on him. That’s why I have a hard time to succeed in Hollywood. I don’t go to parties and I am a control freak.”

He pauses for breath. For the first time in a long time. “And I talking too much to you? Because you started something and you did it well. Either you did it on purpose or it’s just meant to be. I don’t know how many people are going to read this but I believe the interview we are doing, it’s going to go far.”

Jean-Claude Van Damme is standing on his apartment balcony. He’s 75 floors up. “Can you believe that? The cars below me look like crumbs,” he muses. “And I brought some parachutes just in case. And every parachute has a big net, for my dogs. I don’t jump without them. And I bought eight of them. Because if I have some guests, it can be a fight for life! Correct?” Joking? “I’m not joking! Serious. I’ve got to finish that film, right?” Damn right.

Publication: Total Film